What is your experience with feedback?

We all had to deal once with comments on our actions. Whether it was negative or positive, or just really mean... Every body feels different about it. But we often don't notice it when we, ourselves, give comments on someone else's actions. Even though it comes from a good place, with good intentions, sometimes we really need to watch our words, and the way we outspeak them.

I'd rather give feedback in stead of comment on someone. Why? Because when you just comment, you're free to say anything you want in any way you want. This freedom gives you space to forget about or ignore the feelings you might give the person who you're commenting on.
When you give feedback, in contrast, you'll háve to take his feelings in account. Not only the feelings, but also his development in changing. Because that's what you actually want when you give feedback: you want to see this person doing things differently, better.

Well, my experience with feedback isn't really bad. I received a lot of negative feedback ánd a lot of positive feedback, and both made me always happy. If you continue reading, you'll understand why.

But what is feedback? And what is it good for? I'll tell you!

What is feedback?
Feedback is naming certain things in the way a person acts, that you notice to this person to make him aware of his behavior, to make adjustments towards a particular goal. Be aware that feedback is not criticism or review.

There is positive feedback and negative feedback. With positive feedback you name the behavior the person should maintain or even expand.
With negative feedback it is important that you name the behavior that this person must change or must unlearn.

Why do we give feedback? What is it good for?

• To learn as a team
• To collaborate effectively
• To get better results
• To communicate with each other in a good way
• To learn from each other's mistakes and accept them
• To learn more about yourself, because you have some things people can see on you, but you don't know about them, that you have them. Those things are the so called blind spots: traits you have, but you're not aware of them. Feedback helps you to make these spots smaller, or even to let them vanish!

Being able to give feedback in the right way is really important in teamwork. When you work with others, you have the same goal and the only way to achieve that goal is if everyone can say anything to each other. Think about new ideas, or simply your opinion about how someone in the group is working and you think it shouldn't be like that. If you don't feel good about your place the group, you maybe won't dare to stand up and tell, even if you're right. You understand how bad the consequences of this are for the goal and the collaboration of your group (whether it's a sport group, a work group, a school project group, a book club, a cook club or just your group of friends). There must be an open atmosphere. And add to that, that it's important to know how to say anything you want without destroying the communication in the group. You'll learn from each other, and learn as a group: you'll be one, with the same memories, experiences, work, goals, hard times and good times. This will lead to a certain way your group thinks and works in peace, which will eventually lead to what we call ''group cohesion''. a group is said to be in a state of cohesion when its members possess bonds linking them to one another and to the group as a whole. Feedback is a really important element to achieve this group state.

How do you give feedback
Effective feedback is feedback that is heard, understood and accepted.

Here are 7 tips to achieve this. Remember these and use them well!

• Pay attention to the result of the behavior you give feedback for. If the behavior seem wrong, bad or just not okay, but it's still leading to a good result, then maybe it's not very smart to try to change the way you do things. So if you see that in someone else... don't give negative feedback, if the results are fine. Instead you can try to give positive feedback, or give compliments. This is good for a good relationship.
• Always start with positive feedback. This helps to build something like a basic, so it'll be easier to receive the negative feedback. And if you only have noticed one thing you want to actually give negative feedback on, then still, find something to compliment someone about it. Because there múst be something that did go well, no one is that miserable. Remember that. But it must be real and true and coming from the heart. 
• Make sure it is a current issue. If you give feedback on something that happened three weeks ago, you understand why it won't be really effective. 
• Speak for yourself an don't be a smart ass. YOU are the one who's giving feedback. YOU are the one, who noticed that thing. YOU are the one who wants to see that aspect differently the next time.
  Not the others in the room.
  And remember that you aren't an expert either! You give feedback based on your opinion and your (professional) knowledge, which both are not always correct. And with this we're getting back to the point ''to learn as a team'': If your arguments for your feedback are not fully correct, that's oké. As long as your mates will learn you what is correct (creating interaction). This is why giving feedback to each other is important.
• Give feedback specific and in concrete terms. Like I mentioned before, focus on the behavior or actions. You must be really specific in this, because if you're not, the person who's receiving your feedback, won't know where exactly the problem lies. So in fact, he won't be able to change it. For example: a college is holding a presentation. You notice that he isn't prepared well, and it kinda bothers you. Not only you but also the others in the room. After the meeting you go to him and tell him what you think: ''Hey, you seemed a little bit unprepared. You should do more for it the next time.'' You see why this is not effective feedback? The person can't do anything with this. You never know, maybe he did a lot for this presentation. But with this feedback he won't be able work on it for the next time, to show that he actually put a lot of effort in it.d
  This would be better: ''Hey, you seemed a little bit unprepared. I don't know if it's true, but you were looking constantly on your tab. Next time you should try to do it without that thing. It will look better!''
  You can see the difference?
• Make sure the receiver understands it. This one speaks for itself
• Provide space for any response or explanation. This one also speaks for itself. It's important that you realize that this makes the receiver of feedback feel more comfortable.

Hoe do you receive feedback?

• Listen carefully and interested. And take the time for this without reacting immediately. In the end, this is all about you and about how others look at you. It's important to know this, because trust me, you don't want to go through life without knowing how people think about you.
• Ask questions if you don't understand something. Let the giver of the feedback know that you don't understand what he's trying to tell you. You want to know what he thinks about you. Only then you'll be able to judge if it's true, necessarily or worth it to change. 
• Discuss improvements. "How would you like to see it differently, do you have any suggestions for how I could achieve that?"
• Think about how others can help you with achieving your goal. Especially when it comes to your group or team. You're still there for each other, right? And the interests of one person, is the interests of the entire group.

I hope you see how important it is to be able to give and receive feedback in an effective way. 

Feedback is really like a present. When you give feedback, you're helping someone to become better! And when you receive feedback, someone is trying to help you to become better. You share information to lift each other higher! 

Please be careful and try not to hurt anyone with your words. 

Much Love <3

Arwa